Own Your Pleasure: Why Creating Your Own Sexual Values is a Game-Changer
Why Bother with Sexual Values?
Who’s really calling the shots when it comes to your sex life? Is it society, your past experiences, or maybe a little voice that’s absorbed countless “rules” over the years? So many of us grow up hearing messages about what our sexuality should look like, but how often do we pause to think about what we actually want? Today, we're here to shake things up. Building your own sexual values is more than a liberating act—it’s about finding joy, confidence, and self-love on your terms. Let’s dive in!
What Are Sexual Values, Anyway?
Think of sexual values as the beliefs that guide your choices, boundaries, and feelings about intimacy. Like decorating your dream space, building sexual values is about deciding what’s truly you. Some people might want cozy, quiet evenings, while others crave color, adventure, and excitement. And the best part? Your space is yours to shape however you like—no one else gets to decide what feels right for you.
Letting Go of “Shoulds” and Finding Your “Wants”
When it comes to sex and intimacy, women especially seem to be handed a long list of “shoulds.” Sound familiar?
“You should be sexy, but not too sexy.”
“You should be open-minded, but not too wild.”
“You should want intimacy often enough, but not too much.”
It’s like being stuck in a Goldilocks nightmare! These “shoulds” are everywhere, but they’re not really ours. They often reflect cultural expectations or outdated beliefs that no longer serve us.
Imagine swapping these “shoulds” for empowering “wants.” Instead of “I should look a certain way,” it becomes “I want to feel confident in my body on my own terms.” Or, instead of “I should be more adventurous,” it’s “I want to explore intimacy in ways that feel exciting and true to me.” When you stop following the rules and start listening to your own desires, you step into a place of freedom and authenticity. And that’s where the magic happens.
How to Start Creating Your Own Sexual Values
Here’s where the fun begins! Creating sexual values is about listening to yourself, exploring, and letting go of what doesn’t fit.
1. Question Everything
Start by looking at the beliefs you’ve picked up over the years and ask yourself, “Do I really believe this, or was it just something I was told?” If a belief feels restrictive, chances are it’s someone else’s idea. Ask yourself what you actually think about intimacy, pleasure, and connection. A lot of people find surprising freedom here!
2. Write Your Own “Sexual Code of Honor”
Grab a journal and write down what you truly want from your experiences and relationships. What makes you feel comfortable, excited, and valued? Do you want closeness, adventure, or a deeper connection with yourself? This list can help you stay true to your desires and honor what’s right for you. No judgment—just what feels most authentic.
3. Experiment Playfully
Give yourself permission to explore, even if it’s just within your comfort zone. Maybe this means reading a new book, discussing desires with a partner(s), or setting boundaries that empower you. Experimenting can be as big or as small as you want. Think of it like trying out new dance moves at home—no one’s watching, and there’s no right or wrong way to find your rhythm!
The Freedom of Owning Your Sexual Values
When you define your own sexual values, it’s like being the DJ of your own party—you choose the vibe, the volume, and who gets invited. Owning your sexual values means you’re more in tune with what genuinely brings you joy, making intimacy a space of connection rather than expectation.
Plus, when you know what you want (and don’t want), relationships feel more fulfilling. You’re better able to communicate boundaries and desires, making for more authentic connections. And it all starts with choosing to listen to yourself, not outside “shoulds.”
Conclusion: Embrace the Power of Knowing What You Want
Here’s to knowing what makes you feel alive, ditching what doesn’t, and celebrating your sexuality with confidence and joy. Reclaiming your sexual values is a journey of self-discovery and empowerment, where pleasure, confidence, and authenticity all come together.
Remember, it’s your life, your pleasure, your rules. So, let’s own it and make space for what we really want—because you’re worth it!
