“Am I the Problem... or Is It the Pressure?”
Let me just say it:
Women are not broken.
But wow, the number of women who walk into my office carrying the belief that they are — because they’re not in the mood “enough,” not sexual “enough,” not spontaneous, not wild, not easy, not low-maintenance, not whatever — is staggering.
And you know what I’m tired of?
The pressure that gets labeled as a "problem."
Let’s talk about what’s actually going on.
A female client comes in and says, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just don’t want sex the way I used to.”
And my first internal response (besides a deep breath and a whole lot of compassion) is:
Of course you don’t.
She’s often working full-time.
Managing a household.
Maybe parenting, caregiving, surviving a pandemic, or healing from trauma, big “T” or little “t.”
She’s navigating a culture that tells her she should be sexy but not too much, desirable but not needy, open but not aggressive, spontaneous but never messy.
And that woman is supposed to just “want it” on command? On someone else’s terms? Without time, connection, or space for her own needs?
Nope. Not buying it.
This isn’t about libido. It’s about the conditions around it.
We treat low desire like a diagnosis, when often, it’s just a symptom of disconnection, not from your partner, but from yourself.
It’s what happens when:
- You’ve learned to ignore your body’s boundaries.
- You’ve performed rather than participated.
- You’ve been touched in ways that felt rushed, assumed, or not about you.
- You haven’t been asked what you want — or given the time to even know.
It’s what happens when pleasure has always been second to someone else’s comfort.
Here's my rant:
I’m done with the idea that women should push through, fake it, force it, or feel ashamed.
You don’t need to perform intimacy.
You need to feel safe enough to return to yourself.
And maybe that starts with unlearning everything you've been told about what desire should look like.
So if this resonates, hear me:
You are not broken.
You are not failing.
You are simply responding, intelligently, instinctively, to pressure, expectation, and lack of space.
And that’s not dysfunction. That’s wisdom.
Want help finding your way back to your body, your boundaries, your own desire?
That's exactly what we do here at Liberate Your Libido®. Let's talk.
